So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
