So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
