It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
