I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
