wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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