when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
