Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
