Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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