please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You pole danced in your parka.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
