My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
