dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
