i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
