Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
