Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
