We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize