Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
