He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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