haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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