I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
