Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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