he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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