just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
