I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
from now on my penis is your penis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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