You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
