Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
