When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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