he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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