Banned from zoo.
Again?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
