Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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