What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
