So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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