btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
