One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So much rum. So many feels.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
