I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
