So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
