Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
