It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
