I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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