It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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