Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
