the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
