She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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