My room smells like vodka and shame
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
