ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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