Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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