My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
