I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize