All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
