yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
