What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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