Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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