I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
