I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
