i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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