I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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