I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
