what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
