I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
