you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
