Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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