I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Still dying that you shit outside
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
