the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
