I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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