There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
