It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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