I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
