3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
