i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
