dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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