She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
