So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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