just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
