I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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