I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
