So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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