These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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