He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
