I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
