I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
