It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
