I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
COCAINE IS GR8
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
