ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
