I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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