sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
