...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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