Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
