Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
