I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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