another moral hangover. fuck.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
