someone threw a dead crab at me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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