dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She's the barista slut.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
