didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
