Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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