jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
