if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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