WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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