since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
