we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
