I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
