mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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