i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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