he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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