It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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