Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
