At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
