can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i will never coherently bang her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize