I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
