I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
