thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
