I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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