i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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