Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
